Open Books and Falling Hearts
by Romanoma
Summary: A slightly unusual teenage Spain's view on his life and the world and his blossoming relationship with Romano L. Vargas. Spamano.
1. Chapter 1

**Notes** - Forgive the very intentional mispelling/bad grammar etc. Also, please imagine this is all written in Spanish…

All from a slightly unusual teenage Spain's point of view.

**Open Books and Falling Hearts**

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><p>Dear Person<p>

I'm sorry, I don't know if you'll be a boy or a girl, but then my big brother is always saying that gender is irrel irreliv* doesn't matter, so I don't suppose it really makes a difference if you're a boy or a girl. Really I just hope you don't mind reading my thoughts because I have so many thoughts and I just want somewhere to put them and it seems like writing them down is a very good idea, but it won't be very long for a while because my hand isn't very used to writing and gets all cramped and spasmy.

And I'm sorry for when I make up words because I'm not really very smart, well not smart-smart like my papa is smart-smart though my brother says I'm a different kind of smart like the creative kind of smart, but I'm not really sure what that actually means… Anyway sometimes I can't think of the right word to say the right thing so I just make up words or add letters to words that aren't really supposed to have extra letters in. I hope you understand what I'm trying to say. Sometimes I don't understand what I'm trying to say myself and my mamá says it's because I talk as quickly as I think so my brain and other people's brains don't get the chance to work out what it is I want to say, but by the time they ask me what I'm talking about I've forgotten.

Ah I think that's what I just did, but I can go back and read what I've written and I can't go back and read what I thought, so this reminds me what I as talking about. So what am I talking about… Oh, yeah. I met a boy. I met this lovely, lovely boy who is smart and funny and a little bit grumpy, but in a really cute way like his nose gets all wrinkly and he gets these little dimples and he goes all red. My hand is cramping up now. I'll write more later.

Love, Spain

Dear Person

Mmmmmm yum, mamá made an amazing dinner. Papa said it was the best she'd ever made and she gave me some to take to school tomorrow. The other kids think I'm weird because I take things like prawns and fish to school when they've got boring sandwiches with cheese and ham and other stuff which I think is weird because we sometimes have that for breakfast and not for lunch but I don't really mind too much when they call me weird.

The boy I met takes weird things to school, too. He's new, right? I saw him for the first time in my English class and I'm not very good at English so I have to sit at the front and all the new kids have to sit at the front too, so he sat next to me and because we were sat together Mrs. Barrows asked if it I would like to show him around school for the rest of the week until he gets to know his way around. He didn't talk to me very much, but I think he's quite shy which is really cute, but when he gets mad he starts shouting in Italian and I think he's swearing because a lot of the words sound like Spanish words but none of the teachers know any Italian so they don't tell him off for using bad language. His English is really good though, better than mine, so maybe he'll help me to learn better English and then maybe I can get a better mark on my English essays. Mamá says it isn't really my fault that I don't do so good in English, because none of the books we have to study are in Spanish so I have to translate what I'm reading before I try and interprit what I'm reading, but then I go off on a tangent about something else again and I can't remember what I read or what I thought it meant and I have to read it and translate it all over again.

The new boy translates stuff super fastly. It's really amazing. I want to impress him somehow.

Love, Spain

p.s. Oh yeah, he brought cannel caneloni in for lunch, but he wouldn't let me try any.

p.p.s what does 'p.s' mean, I'll look it up on googles later.

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><p>Dear Person<p>

I was trying to do my maths homework, but I'm really bad at maths so I thought I'd have a nap first and try later, but I can't get to sleep because my brother has his girlfriend over and they're playing really loud music. I know that they're fooling around, so I don't want to knock on his door anyway. They always listen to alternative Indie records if they're doing naughty stuff. Mama and papa are at the cinema so no one is telling him to turn it down and if I tell him to turn it down he just turns it up even louder so I go to the garden shed with my duvet, but I can still here hear it and besides it's cold out there at this time of year. I don't think I want to listen to them doing naughty stuff though.

School was strange today. The boy I met - his name is Romano, by the way. Isn't that cute? Romano~ Roma~ He didn't like it when I called him Roma in front of people, but he didn't mind when we were alone. I think he just got used to it because I called him it all day. We have a lot of our classes together, which makes me pretty happy. It turns out his favourite subjects are English, Art and music, which is amazing because art and music are both my favourite subjects too. He's doing them for GCSE like me, so I asked if he wanted to work together for a duo piece in music. I think he said yes because he doesn't know anyone else, but I don't mind if it means I can get to know him better. He let me walk him out after school today, too _and_ he said he might consider letting me have his very own personal telephone number by the end of the week if I don't annoy him too much!

Mr. Langy (he's my music teacher) said he thinks my guitar playing is excellent. Excellent! I've never done anything that's been excellent before, so that really made my day. Romano plays violin. He knows a lot of sad pieces, so I want us to compose something happy together. I have a great idea for it too, so I'll have to see what Romano thinks about it. He doesn't really talk very much. Sometimes I think he looks very unhappy, like he gets these frown lines across his forehead and he clenches his fists and taps his feet and fidgets a lot and won't look at me when I ask him a question. Papa says I tend to stare too much, so maybe that's why, but I can't help it. I'm not staring, I'm just looking for a long time. Porty says staring is creepy. He's always making fun of me, so I make fun of his terrible love poetry. He always writes a poem when one of his girlfriend's dumps him or if he has a fight with them. It's really dumb and they never make any sense. One time one of his girlfriend's sent it back with a load of notes on it and he cried for a week. He's really sensitive.

Romano has hazel eyes and he has this cute little mole under his right eye. I'd like it if he smiled. Maybe he really is sad. If he is, I'll have to work extra hard to make him happy again.

Love, Spain

p.s It means 'postscript', by the way. You probably knew that already.

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><p>Dear Person<p>

Romano didn't come to school today and since I haven't NOT annoyed him for a week, I don't have his phonenumber yet. I tried to dial a random number because I thought maybe fate or destiny would help me, but I ended up talking to a very angry sounding German lady who didn't understand Spanish _or_ English. I used to live next door to a German boy when I was younger, but he never wanted to play together because he was always doing something really boring and 'constructive'. His older brother was a lot of fun though. He used to let me smoke the end of his cigarette until mama found out and banned me from going over to his house. I don't see him very often now, but I think him and his little brother went to live with his dad somewhere and they don't go to my school.

School was boring without Roma there. I wasn't paying attention in English because it was first thing and I was worried Roma was poorly and Mrs Barrows asked me a question and I couldn't remember how to answer it in English so I answered in Spanish and everyone laughed at me. I kinda laughed too, but I think they were laughing at me and not with me, like the saying goes. Some of the boys keep calling me a homo. I didn't know what it meant until I looked it up in the library. It's not a very nice word, but I'm glad I looked it up before I asked papa about it because he gets really mad when I tell him what the boys say to me. They seem to think up a new thing to call me every week. I have to write them down and look them up on the internet but then I get a bit upset. I can't say anything to my parents because then they get upset too but I tell Porty. He just tells me to ignore them, which is what I always do, but that doesn't seem to make them stop.

I remember on my first day, I was really looking forward to making friends with everyone, but the only person who wanted to sit with me said I scared him and so he got moved. I don't think I liked him very much anyway because he used to steal my pens and pencils and then he'd lie about it, but use them right in front of me. It made me really mad. I wouldn't have minded if he asked if he could borrow them instead of just taking them. He used to chew them too, so I don't think I would have even wanted them back after. Yuck! I don't really talk to anyone anyway, except for this one girl in my art class called Bell-Bell. I go to her house every so often on Fridays for dinner and we do our homework together.

Afterwards, we sometimes go to this cool cafe where some really cool people go and play music. I want to pay my guitar there someday and make all the girls and boys swoon~ Bell-Bell's brother is scary though and he always smells weird, not like bad-weird, just weird-weird, I can't put my finger on what it is.

What was I talking about… Oh! I wouldn't mind if Roma wanted to chew my pens . Did I say how cute I find him? Everything he does just makes me all fluttery inside. I hope he's in school tomorrow because I still need to ask him what he thinks of my music piece idea, plus it means I can ask him to come over so we can work on it and he can try mama's delicious cooking! I really want him to meet my parents. I think they were worrying that I was never going to make any friends and I don't want them to worry about me because they're always worrying about me since all that stuff at my last school. I think that, so long as Roma is around, I'm not going to feel like that again ever.

I really hope he comes in tomorrow. I think I'll make him a present.

Love, Spain

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><p>Dear Person<p>

Roma only came back to school today and I think he was in a good mood because it was Friday. He didn't tell me why he wasn't in school, even though I asked a few times if he was sick. If he was, he definitely seems better and he wasn't as quiet as he was before.

I was so excited he came back that I forgot to ask him about my music piece idea, but I made sure to give him the present I made for him. It was one of those little flip books where you flick through the pages and there's a little drawing on each page that looks a tiny bit different to the page before, so when you flick through it looks like it's moving. Papa made me one once when I was little and I couldn't stop laughing in that kid fascinated by everything new kind of way. I still have it in a box on my top shelf and I look at it from time to time when I need cheering up, but that isn't very often! A lot of people say I'm a really cheerful person by nature. That's nice, isn't it? I don't like to let things get me down and I don't like to make anyone else feel down either. I get sad sometimes, but not very often that I can remember.

Roma looked a bit confused when I gave him my gift, but he seemed to like it because he kept playing with it through maths, but then our teacher (ay, I like saying 'our' because it means we share something) took it off him and said he couldn't have it back until the end of the day. I drew a little picture of the two of us together and I had a tomato shaped like a heart that I gave to him and it made him happy. I don't know if he went to pick it up because he had to go and see the school counsellor after school. Um, this is how our conversation went after art.

"Why would I wanna walk home with you, idiot?" he said, but he didn't sound mean about it, it sounded like an actual question and not one of those rhetorical ones that you're not supposed to answer. Though sometimes I can't tell if a question is rhetorical and I answer anyway.

"I don't know, I just want to make sure you get back safe," I said and I smiled really hard so he'd know I meant it.

"I've got to see the stupid school counsellor and it might take ages." He must have seen how worried I looked because he started talking really fast. "It's not a big deal or anything, it's just the new kids have to see the school counsellor or some shit, I don't fucking know, but it's probably gonna' take a while because she'll ask me a load of stupid questions about my feelings and all that kind of shit so there's no point in you waiting around for me, okay?"

"Oh…well…I don't mind waiting?"

"Don't be stupid, go home."

I didn't really know what to say after that, but then I remember he'd said I could have his number if I wasn't being annoying so I asked if I'd succeeded! He made this really cute huffy noise and got his phone out and I had to try really hard not to just throw my arms around him and squeeze him tight because he was giving me his number. Romano was giving me _his number_! I already have it memorised, too but I'm sorry, I can't tell you what it is because it's all mine. Mine, mine, mine!

I text him when I got home to say I hoped his session with the counsellor wasn't too boring and to text me back when he got home. He didn't reply for a few hours but when he did I think I thought my heart was going to beat right out of my chest. I was so happy! He said '_it was so fucking boring AND i have to go back next week uuuugh. Why are you putting kisses on, weirdo?'_ We've been texting each other ever since then. I sent him a photo of the devil's eggs mama made for dinner and he sent me a photo back of his ravioli with spinach and ricotta. I said I'd bring some of my dinner in for him and he could bring some of his and we could try each others. He said that was dumb, but he'd bring leftovers if I really wanted - which I do! Then he reminded me that it was Saturday tomorrow. I just asked if he wanted to meet up at the weekend, but he hasn't replied yet. I'll let you know what he says.

My belly feels all weird.

Love, Spain

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><p><em>TBC~<em>

_*this should have a strikethrough, but I don't know if the html works on ..._


	2. Chapter 2

Thank you for your lovely and insightful reviews, guys :)

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><p>Dear Person<p>

This weekend has been amazing. I never did say in my last letter what Romano's answer was, but you can probably guess it was a yes! It was eventually, anyway, because he asked me a load of weird questions about why I would wanna spend time with him anyway and then I think he must have fallen asleep while I was giving him a few reasons because I didn't get a reply until the morning. I was getting kind of worried and worked up because I thought maybe I'd scared him off or that he didn't like me too much, but I woke Porty up to ask him and he said that he was probably just asleep like normal people are at that time of night.

I didn't realise it was past midnight and then I felt kinda bad for waking him up just to ask him, but then we stayed up for a couple of hours talking. Porty is really nice sometimes when he's not grumpy or when he's not moping around over some girl. Him and his girlfriend are getting along really well at the moment, so he has no reason to be miserable and hasn't got any bad moods to take out on me. That's when he's fun and when I like to spend time with him. We talked all about stars and ancient history and all kinds of stuff. Porty is really, really smart. I think he got all the clever genes because I'm not smart at all. I wish I was as smart as he is, or as smart as Roma is. His girlfriend sounds smart too. She's an 'activist'? She does loads of campain work and stuff and goes to protests about bad things going on in the country and in Europe. I don't always understand the things she's talking about, but she's very interesting and I think she cares a lot about people. Every time she comes over, she brings me a cupcake with an 'S' on that she mad especially for me. I was thinking of asking her if she would show me how to make them so I can give one to Roma whenever he's feeling down.

She's much better than his last girlfriend. All she ever did was go on about what colour she was going to paint her nails that day. Though she did do make up on me one time and that was kind of fun, but when my papa found out she was putting the photos she was taking on this blog thing on the internet, he got really mad and told Porty he wasn't allowed to see her anymore. Girl's makeup is very complicated. There are so many rules. First moisturiser, then primer, then concealer, then foundation, then a sealer, then you have to pick the right shade of eyeshadow for your eyes and skin tone, but if you get a tan then you have to go with a more natural colour. I didn't mind learning it all because I did Bell-Bell's make up the weekend after and she looked super pretty and was so grateful that she made me Belgian waffles with chocolate sauce.

What was I talking aboooout…? Oh, yeah! My weekend was fantastic! In the end Roma replied at about eleven o'clock on Saturday morning when I was having breakfast. He asked what I had in mind and I really wanted to take him somewhere nice for food, but he said that sounded way too much like I was asking him out on a date which I absolutely wasn't doing, except I kind of hoped that maybe it could have been a date. I still think it kind of was, even if Roma didn't realise that's what it was. I never really understood what made something a date. Mama says it's when two people who like one another as more than friends go out somewhere special, but then Roma might like me as more than a friend, but just hasn't said anything yet, because I think I like him as more than a friend and I haven't said anything to him about it yet, so does that mean it could have been a date? If we both tell each other we like one another, does it become a date _then_?

Anyway, in the end we went to the bowling alley in town and I bought him nachos with salsa, sour cream and guacamolie. He didn't want jalapenos because they upset his tummy. He was kinda more crude than that, but I'm not gonna write what he said. Turns out he's not really very good at bowling and he got a bit annoyed with me because I'm quite good and I kept winning. I didn't realise he was so competitive. It was cute. In the end we just went to the arcade and played House of the Dead until his granddad came to pick him up. He had one of those really fancy, Italian sports cars! He said he would have brought a different car if he realised I was getting the bus home, but it wasn't big enough for three people so I couldn't go with them. I didn't really mind though, but I was sad to see Roma leave.

I learnt that Roma really likes playing computer games. He has a Wii and and X-Box. I only have a Wii. I like Zelda and that Final Fantasy one and Mario, but he likes all the scary games like Resident Evil and stuff.

"I don't like those kind of games cause they give me nightmares," I said to him when he said we should play HotD. I was serious, too. Porty played one once when I was little and I couldn't sleep for a week. It was called FEAR. Mama said he wasn't allowed to play them while I was in the house anymore. "I just like those cartoony ones with the cute things in."

He rolled his eyes and laughed. He has a really nice laugh, all soft and tickly. "You should play a proper game!" he said, passing me a gun - it was the red one. I think he likes blue since his socks were blue and his boxers were blue. He didn't show me them, but when he bent down to pick up his bowling ball his t-shirt rode up and I couldn't help looking. He's got a nice back. "I've got loads of games. They're not all horror games."

"Maybe I could come over and play them with you sometime." I was testing the waters and I think he knew, but he just shrugged and said 'maybe, yeah'. I kind of love the way he does that. Makes me all tingly inside and then I get to thinking about all the ways I can make him smile and win him over. Not in a romancey kind of way, just in a friends way, but if I could win him over in a romancey kind of way, that would be pretty nice, too.

When I got on the bus, he text me first! He said that he'd just got a new game and he'd bring it over when he was free. I hoped he was going to be free today, but he was visiting family. He text me for the rest of yesterday though and sent me some photos of his cat, Luna. He didn't name her that, his little brother did, but I liked it even if he thought it was a lame name.

I can't wait to see him again at school. I'm going to go and make him some cupcakes.

I still haven't asked him about music!

Love, Spain.

* * *

><p>Dear Person<p>

School's been really bad this week. Well, not _really_ bad, but I've gotten into trouble a lot because of some things that have been going on, but they were good things, so it isn't really all terrible. On Monday, my maths teacher wasn't happy with me because I'd forgotten to do my homework. I was so busy with Roma all weekend that it completely slipped my mind! I also sort of forgot to do my English homework too. And my art homework… I got into trouble for forging papa's signature in my homework diary. I do it every week because I always forget to ask, but I do always do my homework, honestly! Anyway, I got detention after school on Tuesday which is why I haven't written any sooner. I had to catch up with all my homework except for art. I didn't have any of my paints and I don't like to use the paints they have in the art room. Roma laughed at me because I said I didn't like to touch them - they're all infected with other colours and yucky. No one ever puts the lids back on properly and it really annoys me! Once, one of the other students used my own personal paints that I bought with my pocket money and I got really, really mad with him. It got me into a bit of trouble, but he just…agh! I hate that.

Mama and papa weren't very pleased with me either. Papa made me promise that I'd always ask him to sign my diary in future. I'm always forgetting stuff like that, but I suppose I have to try because now he knows I've been forging. When I told Roma, he says he does it all the time and that it isn't a big deal.

"My granddad doesn't even care if I do my homework or not," Romano said. We were eating lunch at the time. I was sharing mine with him since he kept saying how hungry he was and said that mine smelt delicious. I had leftover tortilla. He said it wasn't that good, but he ate it all anyway so it can't have been as bad as he said.

"But you're really smart, so it doesn't matter if you do your homework 'cause everyone already knows you can do it," I explained and handed him some more of my lunch. I was smiling, but he looked a little sad.

"You're not that dumb, you know?" he said, which gave me this really nice, warm, fuzzy sort of feeling in my chest, the kind that gets written about in poems and epic love songs. "Maybe you're not amazing at maths and English, but you're really good at other things, so stop being so damn hard on yourself all the time."

I smiled again and nodded. A lot of people say the same thing to me, but it seems like you have to be good at everything these days. My maths teacher says he's going to move me down a set if I don't improve. I don't like him anyway, he's a terrible teacher. Maths teachers should be extra-good at teaching because maths is one of the hardest subjects, especially if you have a bad memory like I do. I'd like to be good at it, but I spend too much time thinking about other things and I don't think I have room for other thoughts about maths.

"I hate maths."

"But you're really good at it! Damn, I hope I don't get moved down a set. I wouldn't get to spend as much time with you." Roma pulled a bit of a face at that and told me not to be so weird. He says that a lot, but he doesn't sound so serious about it anymore so I think it's alright to be weird around him.

I'd better sign off there anyway cause I haven't done my art homework yet and papa is going to check up on me…

Love, Spain

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><p>Dear Person<p>

This week has gone from bad to worse. I don't care when I get bullied, but when Roma gets bullied for hanging out with me, it makes me so mad. All those boys that are normally not very nice to me have started picking on him when I'm not around. He must have punched one of them, because I saw him coming out of the nurse's office with a swollen nose and then someone in my class told me what had happened.

Roma was seeing the school counsellor again and when he came out for lunch he was really late and just sat outside by himself, but they all found him there and started calling him names and pushing him around. AGH, it makes me so angry to think I couldn't do anything to protect him! I haven't seen any of them since either, so I couldn't do anything to get back at them. But I will. I really will.

I'm sort of worried though, because Roma hasn't spoken to me since. I don't know if it's because he's mad he's getting bullied because of me. I really hope not. I hate the idea of him being mad at me. I've sent him a four texts and phoned him a few times, but he's not answering. Maybe he lost his phone.

It's making me really sad.

Love, Spain

Dear Person

Romano told me to leave him alone :( My chest really hurts

Love, Spain

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><p><em>TBC~<em>


	3. Chapter 3

Thank you again for such lovely reviews. I appreciate and learn from your comments :)

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><p>Dear Person<p>

I don't really know what to say today. The past two days have been horrible. I begged mama to let me stay off school today and in the end she let me, but then papa said I wasn't to just stay of school when I'm not sick, but I said that I am sick, just not the kind of sick that's easy to see. He wanted to know what my symptoms were, but he didn't think that was a reason to stay off school and made me go anyway, which was really silly because I couldn't concentrate on anything and ended up getting shouted at a lot by my teachers and not really learning anything.

I didn't really care about that, it's just Roma didn't want to sit with me in any of our classes today, but Mrs Barrows said there was nowhere else for him to sit so he ignored me all through English. I think my heart was going to break. He had a horrible bruise on his cheek and I just wanted to hug him and tell him how sorry I am. I don't understand why I feel this way, it really, really hurts. I just feel like I'm going to be sick and I don't even want to eat mama's delicious food. What's the matter with me? This is how Porty gets whenever his girlfriends dump him, but I don't feel like writing poetry I just feel like curling up in my duvet and crying.

That's where I am now. Mama said I could miss dinner if I wanted to. She looked really sad, as well. I hate it when she looks sad, so I smiled and said I'd try and eat something later. I could hear them talking after I left the room so I sat on the stairs for a little while to listen to what they were saying.

"He just needs a bit of time," mama said. Her voice is always really gentle and soft. I could always go to sleep just listening to her talking. Not in a bored way, but because it's just really nice and calming, like the sound of waves or rain. "You know how he can be sometimes."

"I do, that's what worries me," papa answered. His voice doesn't send me to sleep. It's full of power and authority. He knows how to be gentle when he needs to be, but he can be really, really scary. I always like to listen to him singing, though, but he only ever does that at birthdays or christmas because he's had a few beers and granddad joins in and then the whole family joins in and all the neighbours comes by to find out what we're celebrating. Well they used to back at home, but they just complain about the noise here so we have to keep the noise down more.

"Love, you're worrying too much."

"I need to worry. I don't want a repeat of last time and it seems it's worse than before. Dammit, he's been doing so well lately…"

I'm not always sure what they're talking about, but I know I've had a few problems in the past that have made them worry loads about me. I didn't go to school once for a month because of it. I can't really remember why. Seems like it was ages ago to be honest, you know like when you have a dream and you can only remember little snips of it and it doesn't really seem to fit into your life because everything is different, but at the same time you know it's your life and you recognise everything that's going on. That's how I feel sometimes. And sometimes I'm not sure if something really happened at all. That's why I really like writing all this stuff down because I can read back and see for myself if I wrote about it.

I need to make more of an effort to write every day, even when I'm really sad like I am at the moment. I text Roma again to see if liked my music idea (I had to email it to him since it was too long for a text), but he hasn't replied to my email or my text. I should have told him about it last week. I don't think he'll want to work with me anymore.

I just don't know what to do.

Love, Spain

* * *

><p>Dear Person<p>

It's like I want to hurt someone. and I can't control it.

* * *

><p>Dear Person<p>

I don't know why I wrote that before. I want to scribble it out but I can't stop reading over it. I thought maybe someone was playing a joke on me, but it's definitely my writing and I remember writing it so I must have written it. It's Saturday today. I hung out with Porty and his girlfriend all day until they went upstairs to fool around so I watched The Lion King until mama and papa came home from shopping.

We went to see granddad and grandma earlier. Granddad always gives me ten pounds towards my pocket money. I think I'll use it to buy Roma a present and write him a letter. I can make his favourite thing for lunch too. I wish I knew where he lived so I could go and see him. I wonder if I can find out somehow and surprise him.

Love, Spain.

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><p>Dear Person<p>

I think I drakn too much. Sometimes mama ad papa let me drink wine with dinner but I had a reallyt big glass today and then I maybe snuck in after when mama was watching her soaps and papa was reading and I filled up my glass. Port caught me but he always used to do it and I htink he feels bad for me so he let me do it and we went up to his room and drank together.

He's having trouble with his girlfirned. she says that he's not emphatic enough but he's the most emphatic person i know and he always understands the way i feel. I said that she doesnt deserve to have Porty as a boyfriend if that's what she thinkscause porty is amazing and kind and always does everyting he can for his girlfriends and he said i was a great little brother and then he hugged me.

Then I talked to Porty about Roma and he said he didn't really understand why he woud suddenly not want to talk to me anymore. I don't think I really understand it either, because I was really nice to him and he seemed kind of like me and a bit of an outsider and he's not from here and he shares a lot of my culture but I suppose he doesn't like that he gets bullied because of hanging out with me

That really hurts actually. I'd never stop hanging out with him cause of that

Love, Spain

* * *

><p>Dear Person<p>

I met Romano's brother today. He came to my house. It was kinda crazy. They look really alike except Italy (that's his name!) has lighter hair and he's really cheery and not grumpy like Romano - I don't mind that he's grumpy though, I think it's cute, but Italy is kinda cute too. I don't know how he got my address but I don't mind because he told me a lot of stuff about Romano that I didn't know before. Apparently he finds it super hard to make friends and the fact he made friends with me and spent time with me is a really big deal because he usually hates everbody. And Italy also said that since he hasn't been talking to me he's been really miserable and mopey and just hides in his room all the time?

I don't think it's good or anything but I'm glad that he seems a bit sad not to be spending time with me. I don't want to be happy, but it definitely makes me a tiny bit happy. Does that make me a really bad person? I just want to know that he cares and I think what Italy said means that he does care so I've decided that I'm going to do everything that I can do to get him back in my life again!

Italy is really, really nice! He stayed for dinner. Mama and papa really liked him, too. He told me loads of new things about himself and Romano and his family. I wish Roma was as honest as he is, but I think that's just part of the reason I love Roma so much. I gave Ita my present for him so I really hope that he likes it. Italy gave me his number too, so I can find out what Roma's doing, hehe! Not in a creepy way or anything though, just so I can do stuff to get him back.

I feel a little happier today. I think things might turn out okay

Love, Spain

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><p>Dear Person<p>

I ate lunch with Italy at school today and his friend Japan who is kind of odd and quiet but at the same time really really nice. He had this really weird lunch with him that was all raw stuff but he also has this amazing chicken dish with a really nice sauce on called katsu curry. I looked it up on googles when I got home and mama and me are gonna try and make it next weekend. Mama's been in a bit of a strange mood, not a bad mood or anything but she's been sending me loads of texts and is hugging me loads more than usual. I asked papa if something was wrong but he said nothing was wrong and that she's just showing me how much she loves me and not to worry.

I try not to worry but sometimes I really can't help myself. It's like this little bug that climbs into my ear and burrows into my brain and makes itself a squishy home and gets up in the middle of the night to play football on all the connections up there. maybe that's why I'm a bit dumb, cause I have a load of mean little bugs in my brain that are having an Olympics party and playing loadsa games and I'd be super smart if they just moved into someone else's brain instead. Porty always used to tell me horrible stories about bugs that get in your brain and lay eggs and then the babies eat their way out while you're still alive. It used to give me nightmares and I'd wake up all itchy and I'd get in a cold shower no matter what time it was and just sit there until I was sure they'd all drowned or were so cold they had to leave. Papa used to get really mad with me and then the lady I used to talk to thought I did it because there was something wrong with me but I was just really worried about bugs laying eggs in me.

Oh yeah, Italy is so nice! He always brings extra food for me to eat and he doesn't mind sharing any of it with me at all, which is the exact opposite of Roma who doesn't really like to share but he always does in the end which is what I think really matters. Roma didn't come to the dinner hall otherwise I would have invited him to sit with me but I think he's still a bit mad with me, even after I gave him my present.

I did see him in English at the end of the day, but he was sitting at the back of the class. We normally sit together in the second row so it really hurt my feelings that he wanted to sit so far away from me today. I tried to pass a note back to him asking if we could be friends again but the girls sitting in front of Roma stole it and drew little hearts all over it (which was super cute actually…) and wrote some other stuff on it before they gave it to him and I don't know what it said, but Roma tore it up. He really, really didn't want to talk to me after class..

Love, Spain

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><p>Dear Person<p>

Italy invited me to his house after school. I was a bit nervous since Romano still wasn't talking to me but he was out when I got there anyway. Their granddad is so cool, too! He has a really nice car and he said he'll take us all out for a drive in it at the weekend. He's really smart, too. I see where Roma gets his brains from.

We didn't really do very much, just hung out and watched some films and played some games. It's really nice to be spending time with someone again who isn't my family.

I really miss Roma

Love, Spain

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><p>Dear Person<p>

He spoke to me! Well, he sort of spoke to me. Actually, he punched me (not very hard though!) and then he yelled at me and then he cried and then he said he hated me but I didn't care because he was crying and all I wanted to do was hold him so I did. Ive gotta go anyway cus he came home with me and I just wanted to write this down before I forgot to write it later on. Im gonna go and look after him and cook him dinner now and hug him til i cant breathe yay!. :D

Yayyayyay! (Not yay because he's crying though, yay because he's talking to me again, okay? I'm not a meanie!)

Love, Spain

P.s ill write more I promise!

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><p>TBC<p> 


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